


the walls of my heart cave in

by honeyseong



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: ANGSTY FIC HAS ANGST, Angst, CHARACTERS ARE PROBLEMATIC, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, First Love, MC please take care of this boy, Mammon's POV, Obsessive Behavior, Unrequited Love, extremely emo, he's so in love but he thinks he isn't good enough
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:15:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22252438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeyseong/pseuds/honeyseong
Summary: Mammon will never be enough for you, will he? He's a scumbag who deserves to be stuck in the background for the rest of his life, lamenting over a human he wished he never knew.
Relationships: Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader, Mammon/Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 432





	the walls of my heart cave in

Mammon is a dreamer. He dreams about being by your side, holding your hand and making you laugh. His brothers are so much more radiant than he will ever be. He’s just some scummy demon who can’t hold onto money for his life— who can’t hold onto you, either— and his greed is eating him apart. Why do you always have to be so far away? He’s always with you: protecting you, guiding you, but you never truly feel there with him. You’re thinking about his brothers again, right? You don’t want to be with him. But even when he tries to distance himself, your smile just instantly drags him back. You’re the light of his life, but does he mean anything to you?

So, his dream hasn’t exactly come true yet, but he’s working on it. You make him want to become a better person. He wants to be the cause of your happiness, but he ends up becoming the epitome of all the deadly sins combined.

Whenever he sits beside you rambling on and on about how he’s your first man and all that other overprotective nonsense, you look at him with wide, bright eyes, and for a second he believes that you might like him back. You don’t see the black tar that seeps into the wounds of his thousand-year heart every time you go to Hell’s Kitchen with Beel, or when you talk about TSL with Levi. Heck, you only learned about that show because he helped you! He really is the Lord of Fools, devoting all his time to a mere human who doesn’t love him back.

It’s weird how you stick around even though you don’t love him. You’re a fool, too, do you know that? You’re perfect, but you choose to waste your time on a lowlife who can’t even take care of himself. And what’s more, you actually think that he’s funny— that he’s a “sweet guy the world doesn’t deserve” and not some trashbag that everyone declares him to be. Mammon thinks you’re spewing total bullshit, but he knows when to hold his tongue.

He can’t tell if he’s dreaming.

You seem so genuine; laughing and smiling with him as if he were the sun in your sky, as if you aren’t the one Mammon doesn’t deserve. 

There’s something beautiful about the way you look when you sleep, and the way your eyes form soft crinkles at the edges every time you smile. It sends his dead heart aflutter, beating so rapidly he feels like a stupid human in love. It’s a dream waking up to the sight of you next to him on the mornings you decide to sleep together. And he means this all in an innocent sense. He doesn’t want to corrupt you, you’re too angelic.

Mammon is an actor. He performs every day, acting as if his world isn’t falling apart at his feet, pretending that he isn’t tempted to just eat you up so no one else can have you. Since when was he the Avatar of Envy? He could end this all so easily. But when he sees how happy you look, he realizes that he wants to see you again tomorrow.

Is that it? Is this feeling love? Because he can’t go an hour without seeing your face or hearing your voice or feeling the softness of your skin against him. And it drives him insane to see you with his brothers, blessing them with your presence when they can’t appreciate you half as much as he can.

Have they dirtied you? How far have they gone? All Mammon’s ever gotten is a quick peck on the cheek and a tender hug, hands held together and a loving gaze. It’s enough for him, but is it enough for them? Have they torn off your angel wings by now? The thoughts swarm around his head like wasps, stinging him all over. He wants to cry, but he can’t. He’s supposed to be the funny moron who’s the butt of all the jokes. He’s supposed to be the stupid idiot demon who’s hopelessly pining after a human with a lifespan that’s less than a hundredth of his. When is he allowed to cry?

“Stupidmammon,” they call him. It’s only cute when you say it. He’s as miserable as a demon can possibly get, but he puts on a pout and retorts like the character he’s supposed to be. The sound of your voice is a godsend in the shithole of his life. He skips out on classes, goes on dates for entertainment, blows all his money on junk he couldn’t care less about.

But he can’t have you.

Mammon turns around, searching for your pretty head in the swarm. He decided to go to classes today, just to see you. Class just ended, so the hallways are crowded, and he only manages to find you because you’re the one who pulls on his coat and kisses him chastely on the lips when he turns around. He barely avoids tripping over his own feet. You’re smiling, pressed against him in the crowd, trying to move against the flow back to the House of Lamentation.

The sky is dark outside: a dull swirl of greys and blues, wispy clouds masking the warm glow of the descending sun. It looks like rain.

On normal days, he might have brushed it over, but it’s beautiful. The sky is beautiful and you’re beautiful and you kissed him. He can feel the humidity clinging onto him, the cold zephyr leaving goosebumps where it touches his bare skin. You’re shivering a bit, so he removes his jacket and places it around your thin shoulders, allowing the coldness to bite him. But he feels warm.

When you reach the House of Lamentation, you both go to your room and a film starts rolling. A boring romcom– not horror!— that you somehow find entertaining to watch. Mammon thinks that looking at you is much more entertaining, seeing the pretty features on your face change along with the actors, seeing how your eyes widen and glisten, and how your lips curve upwards when you’re happy.

You pause the film.

“You’re not watching, are you?” you say, teasing him. Mammon frowns and shakes his head.

“Listen… I need to know.” He gulps. “What are we?”

You hum and look up, as if you’re trying to think of an answer yourself.

“I think… I think I like you, Mammon.”

What? His heart is racing again, threatening to leap out of his chest and fall on your lap because he’s all yours and he doesn’t want to be with anyone else.

“Do you not like me?”

You’ve got to be joking. Are you ignorant, or just stupid?

“I- I’ve loved you all this time.” his voice is shaking, and he can’t do anything to hide how nervous he is. “I love you more than you could ever imagine!”

You smile. You’re positively radiant, the most blinding you’ve ever been, and Mammon wants to look away, but he can’t seem to. You must be hanging around Asmo too much, since it takes you no effort to captivate him, pulling him into a hug that he can only describe as heavenly. You’re so soft, and you smell so nice. He doesn’t deserve to be with you.

“I love you too, Mammon.”

And then the dam breaks. He’s crying pathetically on your shoulder. This must be a dream. Is this a dream? It’s all too perfect.

“I’m sorry. I can’t do this. I’m not good enough for you.” he manages to choke out between sobs.

Then he wakes up.

‘Oh,’ he thinks to himself. Everything was just a dream crafted by his sick imagination. The tears start building up again. He buries himself deeper into the sheets, holding onto himself so hard, trying not to cry.

“Mammon?” He hears your voice. Another hallucination.

“Mammonie, dear?” Again. His mind is evil. 

“Hey, I know you’re awake. Stop ignoring me!”

The covers are suddenly thrown off his body, and he looks up to see your face.

“You passed out on me last night.” You giggle, the most precious sound to hear as he wakes up. “I don’t want my first boyfriend to die after confessing!”

First?

He’s… your first?

Suddenly, all the pain and heartbreak and jealousy washes away like a tidal wave, and he sits up to kiss you passionately, his tears salty on your lips.

**Author's Note:**

> 3rd fic written in 24 hours okay i'm on a roll
> 
> Sorry if mammon seems a bit ooc/yandere-like? I like exploring darker sides to characters.
> 
> Also the ending can be up to interpretation! Is it actually a dream like Mammon was fearing? Is mammon just fully delusional? Is mammon really MC's first or is she just lying to him?
> 
> leave a comment, feedback is appreciated!


End file.
